I spent the new years eve with Dominik. It passed fastly and swiftly I remember the cold air filling my lungs when I stod looking at my talking friends in the garden of the dormetry. I thought towards the end of the first winter that "something will be" after winter. Like they say spring is the rebirth of nature.
March felt cathartic. I wasn't in hospital like last year, but I did meet up with friends from the hospital. I wasn't in hospital but I was in therapy. The other parts of spring was just kinda spring. My mothers birthday, Easter. I also got a girlfriend. She was pretty like the flowers blooming in spring, but sadly she was like me.
I went on some trips with my family. We went to Caorle for a day and for a week to Szentgotthárd (it's in Hungary). I reconnected and met with my cousin. He is a sad boy not as melancholic as me but still sad. We went to the forest twice to just sit and talk. I loved it. I also loved his room, he had a dark blue room. We had some nights when we just layed (he layed on his bed and i laid on the floor) and talked. About life, existence and all sorts of things what was in our mind. It was peaceful.
I got into Domi's dormetry. I've got into a room with four bed at first. It was cool but two girl in the room was messier than me, what felt strange. I mean my parents couldn't imagine the scene. I spent most of the autumn in this room. Then the teachers switched some peoples places including my place. They moved me into a room of seven people. At first the sudden change annoyed me. I don't like sudden changes until they are inevitable and I slowly make peace with them. We broke up with my girlfriend. It was a choice from both of us. She was like me and I couldn't give her the love what she needed. I was in and out from my bad headspace. I wanted to protect her from my demons with locking her out of it. This made our relationship impossible. So we have said our goodbyes and parted our ways. The fall slowly passed driving us into the second winter.
The days slowly darken and my perception of time also fades into nothing. The mornings are beautiful repetitive but beautiful.
My most memoriable snowfall was when it stared to fall on the 6th of December. I had a bad day that day and we had room christmas that evening. It started to snow when we finished. It looked wonderful in Zugló. I cried while i watched the snow, all of my day was like "I don't want to be here" and the snowfall was just beautiful compared to that.
I don't have plans for new years eve honestly. Maybe I just sneak out to the garden and watch the stars at 1 or 2am.
Editors note: I was out in the city with a friend of mine. We were walking by the bank of the danube.